Added: Tivon Stroble - Date: 13.01.2022 08:40 - Views: 23629 - Clicks: 8487
Recently a friend of mine was going through a breakup. So when this friend informed me she had terminated the relationship, I had my pump-up speech ready to go. Along the lines of: congratulations, girl, you got your independence back. The world is your oyster, you go get yours. It was then I realised something I had never really examined about myself: in my brain, relationships and independence were two mutually exclusive things, sitting at opposite ends of the scale.
Like Voldemort and Harry Potter, neither could live while the other survived. Which is why I largely have avoided them for the majority of my life. I have seen friends with goals as big as the moon reduced to Friday nights on the couch with their partner, week, after week, after week. I have seen women who used to roar loud for equality, now laugh at racist, homophobic or sexist jokes from their new partner, ignoring the bile that rises in their throat as they do, because it just feels so good to be accepted by the person you love. You know what happens to those people who lose themselves for a relationship?
They either start dying slowly, or one day they crack. I learnt this as I stood there watching my ex and his friends fishing out his t-shirts and panties from the shallow end of the pool that fateful Bali day. How does this happen? How come for some people, men or women, they deeper they fall into love, the more they forget who they are, what they want, forget all the stuff that makes them burn with passion for life? When you are single, you are your pick-me-up, so you do all this stuff for yourself to keep yourself feeling badass. You put yourself in challenging conditions outside your comfort zone.
You go balls-to-the-walls with your career goals. You work out like a beast, not because you care what your body looks like, because being covered in sweat with your lungs burning as you push yourself through another Kayla Itsines circuit strangely makes you feel incredibly sexy. You fill your own cup with friends and nice times and adventures and personal bests. I think a big misconception is that when you get into a relationship, that responsibility for your happiness shifts from you to your partner.
Being in a relationship, I found, gives you this source of validation you can drink from whenever you need a pick-me-up. You took your independence away the second you stopped showing up for yourself and started expecting someone else to do it for you. When you fall in love with someone and they you, do not make the mistake of thinking that because they love you for who you are at that moment, you have to freeze time and remain that person in order to keep Beautiful ladies wants love Independence love.
That, I think, is a fatal error. To stop growing. To stop making that space in our lives for change and evolution.
They fell in love with the fire that burned in your eyes, how desperately you were committed to growing, to living, to experiencing, to being the absolute best version of yourself you could be. Good, healthy relationships are not about completing each other, but being in relation as two whole, self actualized beings who choose to share love. Be the person they fell in love with. The loud, the ambitious, the driven, the intense.
Acknowledge that no matter how dope your ificant others might be, they are only a slice in the pie that makes up your whole life.
Your hobbies, your friends, your history, your family, the passions that keep you awake at night. No matter how immensely satisfying it is at the time. Facebook Instagram. Next. Image by Janneke Storm Losing yourself in love Recently a friend of mine was going through a breakup. But this time this friend looked at me, confused. Because I have seen it, time and time again.
You are responsible for your own happiness I think a big misconception is that when you get into a relationship, that responsibility for your happiness shifts from you to your partner. About the Author: Caitlin Creeper. Caitlin is a journalist and writer from Australia. You can find her at caitlincreeper. Related Posts.
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