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I hated you, I despised all that you were, all that you stood for, all that you have done. I allowed myself to feel that way because that was how I coped. I was on my way home when I passed you, I was on my way out tonight. I was moving forward and moving on. Seeing you tripped me all up again, I cannot believe what a affect you still have on me and I am so pissed off at myself. I didn't go home, I drove, I drove for hours, I cried for the first time in months.
I am still crying. Not because I miss you, I will never allow myself to go backwards and say that I ever miss you or our life together. I cry for what happend, what is happening now, what is going to happen months from now. All of this could have been prevented. You tore our family apart, you tore me apart, you tore yourself apart and when it all comes down to it We were not meant to ever be together you and I, two different people, two different lifesyles.
At one time, you told me that even if it was over, you didn't think it would ever be over. You were wrong, it is over, it was over before it began but still you hold such a strong place inside me that I am not allowed to move forward in my life. I need to so badly but "us" holds me back and I need closure and I cannot get it from you.
You know you need to let us go, him and I. That is the only way that there will be closure, the only way to move forward in our lifes is if I never have to encounter what I did tonight. You can do the right thing for once and just say goodbye and let us go. I implore you to do that. I cannot handle the way that I feel right now, cannot keep looking over my shoulder every time that I go out in this city and hope and pray that I do not run into you somewhere, someplace like I did tonight.
Please just let us go and help me help him and I move forward. You will be just fine. You always have been.
Tonight I miss you, I missed what we could have had. It was raining earlier and I kept thinking to myself how nice it would have been to snuggle up beside you and fall asleep. But then I thought about all that has happened, all that was done, all that you said you cared about and didn't, I remembered to myself while driving tonight that I never knew you at all. Never knew the real you anyways. I am so hurt and so blindsided by what happened, and in such a need of just closure without regret and without hate and bitterness. I know that you are not capable of providing that.
It is not in your genes He belongs with me, he is my life as he has always been and he needs me. You have your one. Let us both move forward please.
I just hope that he gives it some thought and proceeds with what is best all around in the long run. Be pissed off, be bitter, be hatefule, but be aware that you will move forward and in a year or two or five, will this all be worth it to you? Think about that. I despise who you are and what you have done, but I live with no regrets still.Sex dating in Glenmont
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