Added: Special Willis - Date: 28.12.2021 16:00 - Views: 48974 - Clicks: 3138
Posted March 20, Reviewed by Ekua Hagan. All of us will, inevitably, experience some regret in life; it just comes with the territory of being human. Take stock of your regrets; in fact, if you need to, write them down so that you can really look at them.
Do they fall into the category of action or inaction? What can you learn about yourself and your future intentions by looking at what you regret?
The adage about crying over spilled milk is true enough but, for many of us, getting off the carousel of repetitive thoughts is hard, if not sometimes impossible. Rumination is fed by being alone, so one plan is to surround yourself with some folks you trust and talk through your worries.
Consciously focusing on a worry seems counterintuitive but it too can help, as can meditation.
This strategy is offered by Charles Carver and Scheier in their classic book on self-regulation and is, I think, brilliant in its simplicity. Say you are starting over from the ending or loss of a close relationship or marriage. While finding another partner or spouse may seem impossible in the moment, recognizing that what you really want is the experience of closeness shifts your vision and opens up new possibilities for action. Thinking about and planning your goals requires one mindset, and actually achieving your goal another, as work of Peter Gollwitzer has shown.
The deliberate mindset is, above all, realistic. In contrast, the implemental mindset is focused on action; optimism is important at this stage, even though it can make you overstate your chances of success because you need the optimism to charge ahead. But by focusing, you can shift from one mindset to the other, depending on the circumstances.
That, in a nutshell, is flow. Be creative as you begin to think about what you want to do next, and get a bead on the things you do that put you in flow.
Flow can be achieved through many activities—gardening, knitting, writing, playing sports, helping others, and almost anything else—and try to think about those activities in more abstract terms. What parts of them put you in flow? New York and London: Guilford Press, Wegner, Daniel. Carver, Charles S. On the Self-Regulation of Behavior. Tory Higgins and Richard Sorrentino. New York: Guildford Press, Csikszentmihalyi, Mihaly. Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. New York: Harper Perennial, Peg Streep Tech Support.
References Kaheman, Daniel. Thinking, Fast and Slow. About the Author. Online: pegstreep.
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How to Start Over and Reboot Your Life When It Seems Too Late