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Why did I turn to this topic? First, a corny sounding reason, but so true: The world needs love. And I believe HSPs are meant to bring much of that love to light. But we need help with intimacy, I have found. Or we have trouble being known and appreciated for who we really are. Second, before I began studying HSPs, my husband a social psychologist and I were very engaged in psychological research on love and close relationships—and we still are.

Indeed, in that field we are considered preeminent leaders, although neither of us has ever written on the topic for the public. Plus, it unveils my most recent on HSPs and relationships. But consider this: A study found that 50 percent of the risk of divorce is genetically determined. Does this mean success and fulfillment in social life are inherited? What can we do about that? Genetics enter into marriage because of the way that certain inherited temperaments cause trouble in relationships.

They cause trouble only because most of us are totally ignorant about the reality of the drastic differences that can exist among nervous systems. And everyone has at least one HSP friend. They understand each other. HSPs have nervous systems that pick up more on subtleties in the world and reflect on them deeply. Because HSPs are picking up on so much, they are also more prone to overstimulation, quicker to feel stress—including the stimulation and stress that can arise in any intense, intimate interactions.

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They need more down time, which can cause a partner to feel left out. They find different things enjoyable compared to others. Sensation Seekers In Love The Highly Sensitive Person in Love also explores, to a lesser degree, the other basic, well researched inherited trait-sensation seeking. Sensation seekers SSs are born with a deep curiosity and need to explore.

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Although this sounds like the opposite of being sensitive, nature planned it otherwise. But it certainly complicates their lives. Self-tests at the beginning of The Highly Sensitive Person in Love allow individuals and couples to see how they rank on both traits. Even though temperament is invisible, it is very real. I have found many couples in which one person answered every question true on one of these self-tests, the other, false.

What About The Culture? As with my first book, this one looks carefully at the effect of culture on HSPs—how it makes an HSP feel less desirable, less confident. The problems are special for male HSPs. Another goal is to explore the different ways that HSPs and sensation seekers approach intimacy. HSPs are naturally cautious and reflective before committing.

Sensation seekers also fear commitment, for quite different reasons—the loss of variety, the fear of boredom. I provide a self-assessment of eight fears about deep love, then suggests what to do about each. For example, it tells partners who are temperamental opposites why they fell in love and how to get along together now. The initial, often extraordinary attraction dissolves fast with familiarity. Then each can feel deeply disappointed with the other, even contemptuous.

Similars can get into trouble too. In fact, my husband and I have been granted large research grants to study the effect of boredom on relationships.

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Boredom is a special problem for a pair of similars, two HSPs in particular. They may be initially excited to find their similarities, but in time tend to use each other as a sanctuary rather than as a partner in exploring new experiences.

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Finally, I also develop six crucial pointers for HSPs in relationships, whatever the temperament of their partner. No, I Did Not Leave Out Sex or Spirit A special feature is the chapter on sexuality, based on the first survey ever about the preferred sex practices of different inherited temperaments. Finally, I am very proud of the chapter on love and spirituality, even though my editors had grave misgivings. I know what HSPs like. Or I hope I do. Aron, Ph.

ISBN: About Dr. Is Your Child Highly Sensitive?

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